Archive for the 'Sports' Category

Even though it was advertised as being on Catherine and Cherry St [it wasn’t], I still managed to stumble upon the East Side Polo Invite earlier today. (It’s really in Sara D Roosevelt Park on Christie between Delancy and Broome).

Think upper- crust- Ralph- Lauren- wearing- tea- drinking jockeys riding properly upon horses. But replace the jockeys with punk-rock bike messengers, and replace the horses with banged up bikes, and replace the tea with Red Bull (plus. . . ).

In the time I was there I saw six guys fall off their bikes, one guy who loved throwing elbows, three guys dressed up like Mexican Wrestlers, one guy flip completely over his bike, one mallet get smashed to pieces, two instances of ironic facial hair, a token black guy, a token asian guy and a partridge in a pear tree.

Are they great athletes? No.

Is it completely exciting the whole time? No.

Did anybody get into a fight? No.

If you live in the neighborhood, should you swing by and check it out?

Definitely.

Sitting in the park is always a good idea, and it’s only enhanced by watching the players riding back and forth. Even I (usually anti-sports) got into it, and picked my favorite teams to root for, based on their awesome striped shirts.

Plus it’s one of those sports where something dangerous could happen, and those are the best ones to watch (the adult in me kept wanting to yell out that they should be wearing helmets).

Maybe if you go, you’ll get to see one instance of flying over handelbars, two punches thrown and one bike messenger brawl.

The East Side Polo Invite continues thru tomorrow (10am-Dusk) and regular games are played every Sunday at Noon.

UNCOOLKIDS Slideshow of Saturday’s game

Every so often the Zipper Theatre, arguably one of the coolest theatre spaces in the city, hosts an event called “Above the Belt” which is a showcase of NYC based aerial performers– an oppurtunity for trapeze artists and the like to show off their skills. Somehow the folks at the Zipper have transformed their comfortable, unique space into a underground circuis scene. There is a hint of the European, and for two magnificent hours you completely forget you are in Manhattan. “Above the Belt” truly brings the audience to a different time, a different location, a different world.

This is the single greatest physical performance I have ever seen. Forget Stomp or Blue Man Group, or event the great shows PS 122 has to offer. “Above the Belt” is stunning, terrifying, magical and sensual experience. The performers use aparatuses I have never even seen– silk ropes hanging from the ceiling, twsited around the body expertly so that the performers hang and twist and twirl in the sky with unbelievable grace and fearlessness. There is a huge silver hoop used as a kind of trapeze, and a set of two looped ropes that a male-female duet hang and dangle with.

“Above the Belt” is difficult to talk about. It is so unusual, so beautiful that I say for two hours with my mouth, quite literally, wide open, hand over mouth, eyes wide. There is no safety net in the Zipper Theatre, and the sense of urgency and danger is pervasive. The performers do not stumble for a moment, however, and they execute seemingly impossible movements with strength and agility. They are dancers in the sky… some of the best dancers I have ever seen.

This event is trying to become a monthly performance, and we should only be so lucky to have this kind of experience available every month. “Above the Belt” is modern and old fashioned, in the same moment, unfamiliarity in the middle of Times Square. It is a gift to the city.

Stand out performers include Jordann Baker, Michelle Dortignac, Joshua Dean and Kristin Olness.

Information available at the Zipper Theatre’s website. 

Oh My God, Roxy Baby, What were you thinking? Rollerskating at NYC’s infamous club The Roxy is a brilliant idea, I must admit- but, man you better be absolutely desperate to lace up your roller skates and boogie out on the floor. I mean, Roxy, I know you’re about to close your doors forever and all and everyone wants to share a piece of your final historical last hoorah, but this was a bit much.

Waiting in line outside in the freezing temperatures, okay fine, it is NY afterall- then once finally inside another line awaits so you can buy tickets- okay this is all still understandable. But then- as I went to pick up my skates, the madhouse ensued. A mob of people were pushing and trying to figure out where to go. Roxy, you can do better- this was totally unorganized chaos. My frustrated fellow waiting mobsters and I had formed an ameoba-like blob where the most pushy, obnoxious people got their skates first.

Once I was finally birthed through the cervix of people to the front of the NON-line, the exhausted, overworked people behind the counter graced me with news that they didn’t have my Womens Size 7 skates available (nor one size smaller, nor two sizes larger). Eventually, I settled for a pair of Men’s Size 5’s, but was actually given a Size 4.

So, with toes painfully crammed into my skates (cause hell- I was not going to go back through that birth canal to try to get a less painful pair). I mean, come on… I had already been waiting for an hour! Once I finally made it to the skating rink (aka the dancefloor) it was really quite fun- the kind of fun complete with giant disco ball and enormous fluffy red hearts hanging from the celiing.

You do have to watch out for the handful of super-skate freaks that swerve wrecklessly in and out of the crowd at death-defying speeds (it’s pretty cool to watch them though, with all their fancy twirls and dance moves). Okay, so maybe I fell once- but, this nice stranger scooped me up and gently sent me rolling on my way again- narrowly avoiding a pile-up.

After skating around for awhile I had to rest my aching squenched toes- ouch.

Overall, it turned out to be fun, but Roxy, wish you woulda fixed the inexcusable mass free-for-all chaos in the rental skate/coat check dept, otherwise it’s not worth the trouble. Oh, and everybody- if you do go- this event is even more fun if you go with a boy/girl/other to skate with hand in hand, but also great with a group of friends. ‘The Last Spin’ is on Friday, 3/9 and will be featuring DJ Julio.

Okay, so if you happen to like squishy orange Jello, some badass wrestling moves and girls in scantily-clad outfits, then you have GOT to check out the next showing of an amateur female jello wrestling competition that takes place monthly.

Don Hills Bar was just the lucky place to be on Sunday, 2/11. These Jello champions (the willing female participants) ranged in age from 20’s to 30’s and were from all across the board; some were students studying subjects from dentistry to theatre. Then you had the career women just looking for a great night of fun: a social worker, a live-in nanny, a marketing professional and even a professional flogger-maker (you know- those leather whip-like devices for pleasure/pain/punishment, etc).

So, first the ladies started with a wrestling lesson at 6:30 PM that included some safety tips and then practice, practice, practice of lots of crowd-pleasing fake and real wrestling moves like ‘the hairpull’, the ‘double leg toss’, the ‘hip throw’ and of course the ‘one legged boob pin’. Fun, hip event founder Dana Sterling and Mike the movement instructor stressed the importance of safety.

After the lesson, all the ladies trekked down to the chilly dressing room: BOOM: instantly taken back to the silly and sweet 2nd grade slumber parties of years gone by mixed with good ‘ol college sorority days- these women were amazing! Some dug through the community costume trunk while others brought their own specialty wardrobe from home. They created inventive wrestling names like ‘The Claw’, ‘Sweet Kahlua Spice’, ‘Tiger Lily’ and ‘Acid’ and they created personas with backstories.

So, hesitantly, I donned my snakeskin painted leggings and one red-feathered fishnet glove with matching red-feathered collar (of course) and I jumped into the ring.

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If cable television has taught me anything it’s that there’s a fine line between feminism and soft core porn. That lesson was illuminated for me in all its glory the other night as I experienced for the first time: AMATUER FEMALE JELLO WRESTLING!

As run by Dana Sterling (the Grande Dame of Jell-O wrestling) and her crack staff, this is definitely NOT your creepy Uncle Jack’s back room dollar bill fueled filth fest. And honestly, I would’ve been cool if it were, but what these ladies have created is a for girls by girls good time that’s more about showmanship and sisterhood than it is about raunch.

The wrestlers in waiting arrive around 6:30 to discuss character development, create a costume, go through a safety orientation and take a lesson in saphic, slapstick stagecraft. Turns out, just like in real life, success in the Jell-O octagon depends on open communication and learning how to fall properly.

At 8:00 the party kicks in with a dj and a live band. In keeping with the Grrl Power theme of the evening they try to book all female or chick fronted bands. The night I went they had a funky rock outfit named: Rotten Cherry.

The event is handily emceed by Veronica Vicious, a curvaceous, saucy tongued Marv Albert in a tiara and pink prom dress channeling the late, great Anna Nicole Smith. She keeps the audience whipped into a froth with her wrestler interviews and improvised ring side announcing.

Sample Dialogue:
Superslut (a wrestler) - “I’m gonna slut ALL over her!”
Veronica- “Wow! That sounds wet!”
I defy you to find a wittier discourse anywhere in the wide world of sports casting.

Sample play by play analysis during a match:
“Tiger Lily fights with Native American power while The Claw has…A Claw!… and now a hot ass is up in the air. Screw the boys ladies, that is a hot ass! Now let’s see some SPANKING!”
-needless to say, I’m helplessly in love with Ms. Vicious.

The whole night is a sticky tour de force of feminism at its bustiest best. With names like: Tinkerbelle,; Acid; and Lady Venom, these ladies tongue firmly in cheek are blazing a trail of gender equality with class cascading out of their cleavage and pride pouring forth from their pantalones.

Sure, I sported wood through most of the proceedings, but these babes are no mere mindless objects of lust, they are blue- blooded, drunken embodiments of all that is righteous and true. In a word these young ladies are America! And I, for one, applaud their courage and their feminine mystique.

Amateur Female Jell-O Wrestling is an experience I would recommend for all and sundry. I went in looking for greased up nipple slips and malicious wardrobe malfunctions. I came away though, wiser,with a new found respect for the ladies… and a wicked case of blue balls.

What You Need To Know:

• Next Jell-O night: March 11 @ Don Hill’s on Spring and Greenwich
• For more details go to: Jellowrestle.com
• Those standing ringside WILL GET WET!

Ok, girls, you’ve got a month to get your skate on. Don’t say I didn’t warn you:

“Gotham Girls Roller Derby (GGRD) will hold their first tryouts for a new crop of derby divas on the evening of Monday, November 21 at Skate Key in the Bronx. The ladies of GGRD are looking for new recruits to join the roller derby revolution for another action-packed season in 2006.

Aspiring Gotham Girls must be female, 18 years of age or older and must skate on quad roller skates (not inlines). At tryouts, skaters will be evaluated on their skating skills, but more importantly - girls should have enthusiasm, drive and kick-ass attitude. GGRD wants positive team players that are fearless and flamboyant on the track. Girls should be willing to learn the game and participate in the DIY (do it yourself) “for the skaters – by the skaters” spirit of the league. Hopefuls will be notified of their acceptance one week after tryouts and selected girls will be expected to achieve certain skills after a three-month training period.

Interested skaters should visit www.gothamgirlsrollerderby.com/tryouts/ to learn more and sign up for a tryout time. GGRD girls will also be on hand at their 2005 Championship Bout on October 21st to answer questions. Support staff is also needed to fill out the GGRD ranks including referees, towel boys, stat keepers and more - contact emmabadapple@gothamgirlsrollerderby.com for more info.”

Tonight is the last Friday of the month and thus time for Critical Mass. Hundreds of New Yorkers will get on their bikes and go for a ride, as “a monthly celebration of bicycles and other nonpolluting means of transportation, exercising our right to the road. ” If you’d like to join, the starting place tonight is at Union Square Park North at 7pm.

Since the police have decided to crack down on this, I decided I’d share a tactic that a friend of mine used to keep from being arrested_ and it’s simplicity is brilliant. When the cops start blocking off the streets:

Chain up your bike and walk away.

This works best if you get on your phone and start looking confused. You can even ask the cops what’s going on. Maybe even throw on a jacket or hat that was in your backpack so you look different. Technically if your bike is legally chained up, the cops can’t touch it, so it should be ok, you can come back and get it later. I know there’s something to be said for taking a stand and letting the cops take you in, but let’s face it, you don’t always feel like being arrested.

But just in case, write this number on your arm: Legal Hotline (NLG and People’s Law): 212-679-6018

The US Open can bite me.

I went yesterday afternoon, hoping to enjoy a pleasant day in the sun, watching a little yellow ball go back and forth in a hypnotizing and peaceful way. Instead I spend the afternoon completely frustrated by some of the stupidest rules on the planet.
For example ‘No Backpacks’ are allowed inside the grounds. That’s right, no backpacks - go back up the hill and check it.There are women carrying in purses the size of a small child, eliminating a ’size’ argument and they rummage through your bag, thus eliminating any sort of ’safety’ argument, so what’s the reasoning behind it? Did they just randomly decide to discriminate against those who carry their things around on both shoulders? But, once you check it, they do give you a tiny clear plastic bag to carry all your stuff around in, and you can have as many of those as you want. So, after you’ve been switched from having all your stuff on two shoulders to pretty much having to hold it all in your hands, maybe you’re a little stressed. Maybe you want a cigarette. Well, I’m sorry because there is ‘No Smoking’ on the grounds. Fine, that’s not unheard of in NYC. Let’s just get to our seats. You go up the escalator and wow! What a beautiful view! You can see the Unisphere and those spaceship-y things from Men in Black, and you go to take a picture, but, uh oh, ‘No Pictures’.
I will admit, once I got to my seat, it was very nice. I got to see Agassi and Ginepri battle for every single point. I saw some cool skywriting, and got some sun. I cheered for whoever needed cheering for and stayed quiet when everyone else did. So overall, I guess I’m glad I went, but I’m never going again.
And I’m not completely stupid. I know that the picture rule is because they had a professional photographer taking people’s picture with the Unisphere in the background for $5. And I know one of the reasons they don’t let you smoke is so you’ll buy more $7 fries and $8Heineken. And they make you check your backpack because the bag check cost $3. The Open does everything it can to separate you from your money. In fact, if you feel stupid carrying your tiny plastic bag around, you can buy a $47 backpack at one of the souvenir booths once you’re inside.
Well played, US Open. Well played.

Can’t make it to the US Open this year? No problem. Just head over to Madison Square Park at 23rd and Broadway and get the full experience. At one end of the park lies a Jumbotron playing the matches, complete with stadiun seating. And since this event is sponsered by American Express there is special reserved section for cardmembers with comfortable blue lawnchairs.

Lining the path to the other end of the park are concession stands set up by Blue Smoke and Tabla, which smell delicious and, just like at the Open, are way too expensive. Employees of American Express sit in high judges chairs all over the park in pale green polo shirts, and the sound system from the jumbotron reaches the lawn, so you can actually lay out and watch. You actual feel like you are at an event, and not just a corporate sponsored simulation of one.
At the other end of the park, you can put yourself in the action and climb into either the “Sportwall Challenge”, where aim is tested, or the appropriately titled “Speed Serve Alley”. When I was there everyone was having a turn from dressed up women in skirts coming from work to 5-year old kids that could barely hold the racket.

I’m not a huge tennis fan myself, but hanging out in the park with the backdrop of the US Open was very peaceful and relaxing. The event is going on until Sunday and the broadcast lasts from 11am-11pm. If you’re not going to the real thing and want to spend an afternoon in the sun this weekend, this should be your destination.