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“There once was a boy called… Edward.”

Well, I’ll be honest when I sat down in my seat at BAM to watch a dance show of Edward Scissorhands I was thinking there was no way I would ever like this thing- I am such a cult fan of the movie- frankly I was a little pissed they made it into a dance show. HOWEVER, about 1 song into it I had a huge change of heart. I was completely sold and dancing in my seat along with the cast- it WASN’T trying to compete with the movie, just taking the story to a new medium. It was over the top in the most spectacular way!

Devised, directed and choreographed by Matthew Bourne (my new hero), Scissorhands is one of the great love stories of all times, I’m talking right up there with “The Princess Bride, An Affair to Remember” and Rocky (don’t laugh at me- I swear it’s romantic!!).

The dancing was a melange of ballet, modern dance, jazz and isolated dance moves. One of my favorite moments was the unique dance of the topiaries which was hysterically happy- it made me wish the shrubbery in my yard could dance like that!

The orchestral arrangements were whimsical and playful. Often the use of individual instruments would set the mood, such as the sultry use of the saxophone for Edward’s seduction scene or the use of chimes and bells.

Lez Brotherston’s bursts of colorful costumes of bubblegum pinks, oranges, purples and turquoises were eye-catching and each was a perfect compliment to the characters. His use of different textures from satins to velvets to organzas and beyond combined with the subtle use of patterns like plaids, polka dots and stripes created an overwhelming and fun style. Brotherston’s sets were simple, colorful and aesthetically pleasing and the lights shown in brilliant kelley greens, shades of warmth and sky blues, capturing the heart of the show.

Oh and the characters were great stylized stereotypes. Let’s start with Edward- okay, so look- if it couldn’t be Johnny Depp, then they definitely got the right crew (sharing the role are outstanding performers Sam Archer and Richard Winsor). I wanted to go hug sweet Edward. Slut neighbor was my 2nd favorite- she was slutty and sensuous and fabulous.

The neighborhood scenes were priceless (& only a few times dragged on a tad too long). Favorite moments were the cuckold neighbor, Edward’s seduction scene- which MY GOD totally reminds me of what fun you can have with a washing machine… ohhh, ohhhh, oh, sorrry, where was I?

Overall: Let’s just say that Tim Burton rocks my world and Matthew Bourne is a jewel that I will definitely keep my eyes on! Go see it.

PS For Johnny Depp’s Eyes Only: Dear Johnny… were you there on opening night? I was skimming the audience for you, hoping you would attend. If you don’t like this review, then feel free to spank me… did I actually type that out loud? Haha… email me, just kidding, no really email me….

So, if you saw the film Project Grizzly by director Peter Lynch then you really must check out Grizzly Proof, a conceptual art show inspired by the film and by the very human and lovable Troy Hurtubise. Human vs. nature was explored by all the artists in different mediums at the Flux Factory; which was a great space for this event, as long as you don’t mind trekking out to Queens.

Once you enter the room your eyes are pulled in so many directions as you try to decide what to look at first. There was the huggable fuzzy bear sleeping bag in the middle of the floor (”Bear Hugg” by Lisa Dillin) which you can actually snuggle up and zip yourself into. Then I was drawn to the loopy and fun “Hairy Blob with Arrows” by Fabienne Lasserre. And, how could I forget Paul Burn’s “Bear Cave” which was a humongous cave to peek into. I climbed into it’s secret little hidden interior to watch Burn’s and Stuyvesant’s “Grizzly Quest” video. I swear that cave was like a clown car, multitudes of people kept entering and exiting all night.

Some of the most notable projects were the simplistic, yet poignant and precise “Log” by Dominique Blais and the multimedium “What it Takes to Fold a Giant Bear” by Ian Montgomery which took the traditional artform of origami to a quirky postmodern and oversized level and it was spiced up with video documentation at super speeds.

Audience favorite of the evening (also got my vote!) was the interactive metal “Foosball Table” by Chris Hackett (metal work) and Eleanor Lovinsky (handcrafted figurines of little bears and little Troys). The crowd errupted around this piece of art as MANY games of foosball went on and on into the night.

The artists did not take themselves too seriously, which successfully added a level of playful intimacy and captured the truth of the film. Grizzly Proof was curated by Jean Barberis, Kerry Downey and Chen Tamir. The exhibit runs through April 12 on Saturdays and Sundays from 2-6 PM or by appointment.

Overall: I liked it- go play!

Don’t you just love to see a man have a dream and work really hard to accomplish it? Okay, so maybe not all dreams are as epic as others, but isn’t the fact that he’s trying his damnest good enough? Even if it’s perhaps a wonky dream, it’s a dream nonetheless… which brings me to our everyday unsung hero…

Determined, he creeps into the snow covered clearing donning his fringed buckskin jacket with knives strapped to his body. He tells his story of the “old man” with the white beard- the grizzly who almost took his life. He is Troy Hurtubise, survivor of a ferocious grizzly bear attack. His dream is to create the perfect bear proof suit of armor. After many futile attempts, he wears his heart on his sleeve as he lives his story. Oh, it is sad, it is ridiculous, but most of all it is sweet and less than ordinary in the most endearing way.

He so badly wants to be somebody (haven’t we all been there?). His nature is defined by his quirky actions- shaving his face with his bowie knife, lighting his cigarette with a blow torch. His mega suit goes through many models and tests to become grizzly bear proof, such as walking through fire, numerous ramming of heavy logs at high speeds, being shot at with bows and arrows as well as 9 millimeter slugs and even running smack dab into the damn thing with a truck 18 times. I swear the poor man could literally barely walk in the suit since it weighed 147 pounds and he even had to get into it like the Duke Boys got into the General Lee.

Director Peter Lynch is a filmmaker who gets it. He combines storytelling with documentary cinematography to piece together the most lovable and outrageous true story that I have ever seen or heard. Lynch injects Troy’s story right into the veins of North America. After the screening at New Center Cinema, on March 9th, his Q&A session was well received by audience members. Everyone wanted to learn more about Troy and hear about Peter’s vision for the film.

Thank you Peter and thank you Troy for a romping good time and a sincere moment of simple pleasures.

Overall: Two opposable thumbs up- go see it! I seriously don’t care how you get there, find a way. You will laugh, you will giggle, but most of all you will feel your heart well up inside you as you remember the time that you yourself had a dream and you will smile and hope (just like I did) that someday our everyday unsung hero will get his due.

Oh My God, Roxy Baby, What were you thinking? Rollerskating at NYC’s infamous club The Roxy is a brilliant idea, I must admit- but, man you better be absolutely desperate to lace up your roller skates and boogie out on the floor. I mean, Roxy, I know you’re about to close your doors forever and all and everyone wants to share a piece of your final historical last hoorah, but this was a bit much.

Waiting in line outside in the freezing temperatures, okay fine, it is NY afterall- then once finally inside another line awaits so you can buy tickets- okay this is all still understandable. But then- as I went to pick up my skates, the madhouse ensued. A mob of people were pushing and trying to figure out where to go. Roxy, you can do better- this was totally unorganized chaos. My frustrated fellow waiting mobsters and I had formed an ameoba-like blob where the most pushy, obnoxious people got their skates first.

Once I was finally birthed through the cervix of people to the front of the NON-line, the exhausted, overworked people behind the counter graced me with news that they didn’t have my Womens Size 7 skates available (nor one size smaller, nor two sizes larger). Eventually, I settled for a pair of Men’s Size 5’s, but was actually given a Size 4.

So, with toes painfully crammed into my skates (cause hell- I was not going to go back through that birth canal to try to get a less painful pair). I mean, come on… I had already been waiting for an hour! Once I finally made it to the skating rink (aka the dancefloor) it was really quite fun- the kind of fun complete with giant disco ball and enormous fluffy red hearts hanging from the celiing.

You do have to watch out for the handful of super-skate freaks that swerve wrecklessly in and out of the crowd at death-defying speeds (it’s pretty cool to watch them though, with all their fancy twirls and dance moves). Okay, so maybe I fell once- but, this nice stranger scooped me up and gently sent me rolling on my way again- narrowly avoiding a pile-up.

After skating around for awhile I had to rest my aching squenched toes- ouch.

Overall, it turned out to be fun, but Roxy, wish you woulda fixed the inexcusable mass free-for-all chaos in the rental skate/coat check dept, otherwise it’s not worth the trouble. Oh, and everybody- if you do go- this event is even more fun if you go with a boy/girl/other to skate with hand in hand, but also great with a group of friends. ‘The Last Spin’ is on Friday, 3/9 and will be featuring DJ Julio.

So, with my friend, Honey in tow I braved the single digit wind chill and wandered through the streets of Brooklyn in UNCOOL anticipation. As we reached Freddy’s Backroom at 8ish PM, we smiled with elation while eagerly gripping 2 beat-up cardboard boxes, some plastic kiddie scissors, glue, styrofoam round thingees and a few other oddities we found lying around the apartment. We were ready for a fun-filled evening of making dioramas- yes, yes… you remember those adorably crappy little boxes filled with household crafty items and/or junk that your mother was once so proud of and your dad thought was just plain stupid.

We enter Freddy’s with delight. Huh- well, let’s see… there’s some band in the backroom breaking down their set, but we see NO other diorama-making creative geniuses anxious to play with primitive art supplies. So, we saddle up to the bartender.

ME: Oh, hi. We’re here for the Diorama Lodge.

BARTENDER: Oh… is it diorama night? No I don’t think so, I think maybe she took March off.

Ahhh, the disappointment was ALMOST too much to bear (especially since said bartender did NOT share a round of free drinks with these 2 weary diorama-less travelers to ease our sadness at this disheartening revelation. But, then we spotted them: 2 guys (strangers with an artistic glint in their eyes) hanging at the bar with all sorts of strange items that could ONLY be… yes, you guessed it- diorama supplies!!! Okay, SO THEN THERE WERE 4.

So, the next little while was spent constructing a nifty, yet half-ass group diorama over a pack of cherry Pez with folks named Fluff, Honey & Paul. We watched the little frogs swimming in the aquarium and discussed scuba diving in Thailand and fuzzy hats and discovered that everybody liked dogs. Ooh, and apparently Lake Baikl in Siberia is one of the freshest bodies of water and is home to blind fish, hummels and seals. “You will overcome many obstacles”, said the crumbly old fortune cookie from Fluff’s pocket.

No one from Freddy’s ever came by to check on us to take a drink order and we weren’t in the mood to hang at the bar, so we took a field trip with our new found friends down the street to Burrito Bar for some pom margaritas, cold beer and okay Mexican food- yum!

Overall: Wasn’t that impressed with Freddy’s, and the diorama lodge was kind of a bust cause it apparently was cancelled without all weblinks getting this info so the news was not widely spread. To be fair though, Freddy’s website had the correct information (THANKS FREDDY’S- WE STILL LOVE YOU), but it just goes to show you can have fun in any situation you happen to find yourself in as long as you have a little patience, some people willing to be silly, some pez and a smile.

PS: For anyone interested- according to the fortune cookie your lucky numbers are 12, 24, 47, 1, 25 & 38.

Do you ever long for the days when you could join hands with 7 of your best friends & skip in a circle with innocence and glee? No need to fear… just head over to Galapagos in Williamsburg for a Square Dancing, banjo-pickin’ good time. YES- that’s right, I said Square Dancing!!! No need to scratch your head in disbelief, this event really does exist & takes place on the last Thursday each month at Galapagos, but stuffy/snobby people need not attend- must be young at heart and willing to laugh your ass off.

Singer/songwriter with a sense of humor, Andy Mullen was our caller for the evening, stylishly crooning out commands such as ‘swing your corner’, ‘bow to your partner’, ‘do-sa-do’ and ‘promenade’. Mullen introduced himself personally to pretty much everyone that walked in the door. He started slowly so we could get into the ‘swing’ of things and brush up on our dance steps, as people kept trickling in through the door.

And, Mullen’s bluegrass band The Ridout Creek Ramble had a casual groove- no silly sequined matching outfits, just good ol’ live music. They had a fun sound that put a smile on our faces.

So, if your week’s been tense and you need to escape your own reality for a while, then come on down for a little square dance therapy. Doesn’t matter if you’re the crunchy veggie girl wearing your vegan cowboy boots, the big dude in your leather motorcycle bad boy boots or even the distinguished gentlemen in the polished oxfords cause any which way your toes will be tappin’ to the tunes. Everybody gets caught up in the frenzy of the hand clappin’ and the fancy footwork. Oh, and you might even accidentally let out a ‘Yeehaw’ or two, which is totally acceptable and most likely will be returned by a friendly dancer on the other side of your square.

Okay, so I must admit, I popped my head next door into Galapagos’ other performance space a time or two to peer at the woman in the painted on shiny silver pants and bikini top (she wouldn’t have been complete without her fuzzy black fake beard & mustache) screaming at the top of her lungs & asking the audience if she had a camel toe. I decided then & there to back it up and stick with the Square Dancing. (Plus that girl band was just kinda poopy- cute, though minus all the facial hair.)

Was Square Dancing crowded? NO. In fact, we just almost completed 2 full squares (that means 1 shy of 16 people- for you citified folk who might not know the laws of Square Dancing 101.) In fact, the cute banjo player even had to take me for a spin around the dance floor when I didn’t have a partner. Seriously though, why are more people not out frolicking like mischievous children in the backroom of a bar on a Thursday night participating in ridiculously juvenile activities??? Aaahh… happy times, I’m talking happy smelly kids in 4th grade PE class- SMILE.

Overall: This event was not square and the final ‘bow to your partner’ was at 10 PM, so you still have time to go home early to call your mother (or head out to your next party of the night!) If more people would go, it’d be even better- doors open at 7 PM, but ya can’t really get started till you get at least 1 full square. And, hey- it’s cheap at $7 a head.

Okay, so if you happen to like squishy orange Jello, some badass wrestling moves and girls in scantily-clad outfits, then you have GOT to check out the next showing of an amateur female jello wrestling competition that takes place monthly.

Don Hills Bar was just the lucky place to be on Sunday, 2/11. These Jello champions (the willing female participants) ranged in age from 20’s to 30’s and were from all across the board; some were students studying subjects from dentistry to theatre. Then you had the career women just looking for a great night of fun: a social worker, a live-in nanny, a marketing professional and even a professional flogger-maker (you know- those leather whip-like devices for pleasure/pain/punishment, etc).

So, first the ladies started with a wrestling lesson at 6:30 PM that included some safety tips and then practice, practice, practice of lots of crowd-pleasing fake and real wrestling moves like ‘the hairpull’, the ‘double leg toss’, the ‘hip throw’ and of course the ‘one legged boob pin’. Fun, hip event founder Dana Sterling and Mike the movement instructor stressed the importance of safety.

After the lesson, all the ladies trekked down to the chilly dressing room: BOOM: instantly taken back to the silly and sweet 2nd grade slumber parties of years gone by mixed with good ‘ol college sorority days- these women were amazing! Some dug through the community costume trunk while others brought their own specialty wardrobe from home. They created inventive wrestling names like ‘The Claw’, ‘Sweet Kahlua Spice’, ‘Tiger Lily’ and ‘Acid’ and they created personas with backstories.

So, hesitantly, I donned my snakeskin painted leggings and one red-feathered fishnet glove with matching red-feathered collar (of course) and I jumped into the ring.

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Okay, so experiencing free street art can be quite serendipitous and downright trendy, unless it’s fucking cold outside at a windchill of 16 degrees. Along with a handful of other teeth-chattering city-goers, I stood at the exterior of New York’s Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) to experience Doug Aitken’s Sleepwalkers, an outdoor exhibit consisting of 8 huge moving images appearing on the architecture of the museum itself depicting the lives of 5 seperate people through 5 seperate stories. Each story, quite simple in nature, lasts only 13 minutes. Upon completion, each story then appears on a different screen, creating an ever-changing and individual experience for each viewer (pretty creative really).

The only soundtrack…the true sounds of the city: sirens and traffic and people talking and wind, etc. Ryan Donowho, Seu Jorge, Chan Marshall (aka Cat Power), Donald Sutherland and Tilda Swinton portray the 5 characters in the stories representing people from a full range of bluecollar to white collar careers. We get to witness them going about their mundane everyday lives (Think ‘The Office’ without the comedy). Each story unfolds slowly with routine activities such as waking up, putting on shoes, drinking ones beverage of choice out of one’s personal drinkware (a paper cup, a colorful mug, a recycled jelly jar), standing in front of one’s mirror. Then, we see the monotanous commute to work (be it bike, subway or fancier mode of transportation) , the mindnumbing activities faced daily at the job, endless photocopies, lonely hallways/tunnels, the characters achingly drag through the non-adventures of the day.

Oh, such comments on the sometimes sad and lonely nature of our very existence and the state of peoples lives in America at the moment. The characters live realistically on screen, having absolutely no reactions or interests until they each experience an intense moment of passion/joy/release- but this is only an adventure in their minds, while their bodies continuously stay consumed with the blah blah path of everyday activities. This adventure thankfully takes them away from an unforeseen, yet possibly lifechanging event. Could this be a wakeup call, cityfolk??!!??; warning us not to sleep through our lives in disheartened melancholy? Could this be reminding us to live with the intensity of the creativity burning within us all? Hmmm… have to think on that one.

And hey, by the way, all you crazy cats with cellphones can dial into #408-794-0886 for some interesting & helpful introductory commentary on the artwork, brief comments about the artist’s vision & useful location information. Although, if you don’t know this before you go, then no technical advances for you sucka, as this is not well advertised at the exhibit and, therefore, not understood by most passers-by and/or event visitors.

Image screens are visible from 53rd and 54th Streets, from the concrete throughway in between and from the Abby Aldrich Rockefeller Sculpture Garden. The exhibit lasts through February 12th and is viewable each evening from 5-10 PM. Oh, but don’t go grab a coffee or bring your own thermos of hot cocoa to try to warm up, because MOMA won’t let you use the facilities to tinkle!

Overall, a very unusual and interesting concept- very cool and artsy idea. But, hey MOMA, next time let’s do this in the spring or summer- you’ll get a much better turnout & we’ll be much less worried about getting frostbite!