Here are a handful of truisms for the current state of the Classic Marvel Universe:

Civil War is over.
Captain America is dead.
Spider-man is outed as Peter Parker, and superhumans are federalized under Iron Man’s, Iron-clad, all-seeing eyes.
And, things are attempting to settle back into normality, only its a compeltely new, and unfamiliar normality.

The only way for comic books to stay fresh is to shake things up heavily while trying to stay as true to the nature of the characters and their shared history as possible. It’s the nature of comic books, and most fantasies rearrange histories, bring characters back from the dead, erase and re-write things that happened in order to take a story in a very different direction.

The problem is the sense that’s nothing permanent. And the only thing that’s more permament in the world of our readers, its death.

And as any experienced comic book reader knows, characters don’t stay dead.

It’s often been the mainstay of DC comics to regenerate dead characters more than Jesus on a bender, but in Marvel, for a long time, death meant something.

Norman Osborn, the original Green Goblin died in 1973. In the 2000 marvel shake-up, that was undone.

Same goes for Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s sidekick, dead since 1945 and Returned in: 2002 as a brainwashed Russian spy. In the case of Magneto (dead more times than Kenny it seems) they don’t even bother explaining how he comes back anymore. Same goes for the most recent return of the Avenger Hawkeye: Died during the devastating Avengers: Disassembled story arc, and now joining all his newly fractured Avengers buddies trying to catch up on what just happened.

So when Marvel has a world-changing event like the death of Captain America, complete with a 5-part “Fallen Son: Death of Captain America” funeral story-arc that follows the 5 stages of grief: Shock, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, it’s supposed to convey a strong sense of permanence. I’m sorry to say, that considering Marvel’s recent track record of character rebirth, I don’t know of I trust them.

Anyway, Marvel’s realized that the whole Marvel U is just one big funky dysfunctional family, with characters hopping back and forth between teams and alliances like a super-powered swinger party, they’re coming back around with their NEXT big crossover story: WORLD WAR HULK!!

Which I’ll explain in Hulk-like terms.

Hulk bad. Hulk smash Las Vegas. Bad Hulk.

Big-brainy guys send Hulk away. Far, far away to bad planet, where Hulk beaten down, weakened, made into a slave and then a Gladiator, tortured by his cruel alien masters.

This make Hulk mad. When Hulk mad, HULK SMASH!!!

Other slaves like when Hulk Smash. They make Hulk General. Hulk lead rebel warriors against mean alien masters and Hulk win. Hulk fall in love with hubba-hubba alien hottie, and make her his queen.

Hulk finally happy.
Then Big-brains send Big Bomb. Smash Hulk’s new home. Bye-bye alien hottie. Bye-bye unborn child. Bye-bye new home, new throne. Bye-bye new world.

Now Hulk really mad.

Now Hulk really smash.

It’s Marvel doing their inverted morality ploy again. The Illuminati, (the big brains behind each corner of the marvel universe who decide what is and what shall be in their world) were only doing what was best for the people they’ve sworn to protect. Even if it meant slaughtering possibly over a million other livin things that stood as a potential threat.

Does that make them evil? Or just making the necessary compromises that a sap like Spider-Man or Captain America couldn’t be trusted with?

All I know is that it’s fun when Hulk Smash

Then again…I dove head first into Civil War, last thing I need is to spend all my pocket scratch on another “world-changing crossover saga.”

Marvel, I think we need to take a break. I’m sorry but. . . I’m going back to Vertigo. Perhaps we can still catch-up now and again. I’m sure you’ll be fine without me.

Bye-bye.