Archive for May 12th, 2007

Poor Paris Hilton. Not in the financial sense obviously — the heiress is filthy rich simply by virtue of being born into the right family. Any job she has held has been a rather glamorous one — model, actress, author, purse designer. And she’s not poor so much in the social sense — each time her cell phone’s been hacked, her slew of celebrity friends have been revealed, and of course we always see her dancing on tables at nightclubs that wouldn’t let most of us get beyond the velvet ropes.

Wait — where was I going with this?

Oh yeah, poor Paris. She’s everyone’s favorite celebrity to pick on. People are ruthless about their opinions of her. The latest critic is Daniel Edwards, whose Paris Hilton Autopsy is currently on display at Capla Kesting Fine Art (121 Roebling Street, Brooklyn).

The sculpture of the socialite is reportedly meant to teach teens about the dangers of drinking and driving. Just a few days ago — May 4, to be exact — Hilton was sentenced to jail for drunk driving. Well, sort of. It was more that she had been speeding without her headlights on when she wasn’t even supposed to be driving at all because in September 2006 she’d been caught driving with a blood alcohol content of 0.08. And, she never signed up for a mandatory alcohol-education program.

If Edwards’ art had imagined Paris Hilton as a crashtest dummy, it would’ve gotten the point across with layered meanings: don’t drink and drive and Paris is a dummy. If Edwards made the beautiful Paris Hilton gory from a car crash, that too would’ve driven the message home that even pretty girls aren’t safe from the dangers of alcohol.

Edwards’ Paris Hilton Autopsy is not the public service announcement it claims to be, though. He has created a sexually explicit sculpture of a naked Paris Hilton. You can take her innards out, and if you do, you will discover two fetuses. This is an attack on Hilton’s sexuality. Granted, Hilton has been caught in one too many sex-tape scandals, but that has nothing to do with drunk driving.

The Paris Hilton Autopsy “includes support material from Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD),” and it is clear that the exhibit seeks to scare teens out of sex, as well as drinking. The press release for Paris Hilton Autopsy “observes the teen pregnancy crisis associated with alcohol impaired judgment,” but the truth of the matter is, Paris Hilton was not a teenager when she was charged with DUI nor when she was rumored to be pregnant, which was later reported as false anyway.

What is a fact, is that Daniel Edwards’ depictions of famous female celebrities have stirred up controversy in the past. Last year around this time, Hilton’s friend Britney Spears was the subject of Edwards’ work. Like Hilton, Spears was depicted nude, with child, and in a sexual position. The sculpture was called Monument to Pro-Life, and the artist said, “Britney provides inspiration for those struggling with the ‘right choice.’” Meanwhile, Edwards also made a bust of Hillary Clinton, in which he portrayed her in a low-cut dress, downplaying her political achivements by staring at her boobs. By sexualizing these blondes, Edwards in fact degrades women.

There is no humanity in this piece.  It merely capitalizes on making fun of someone.   Whatever message Edwards had toward promoting abstinence of alcohol and sex through the Paris Hilton Autopsy will be lost on immature teen boys who will gawk at the almost-still-beautiful naked body. Young women, on the other hand, will once again see that even in their death they are little more than an objectified body.

With his hair helmet shining, noted mentalist and super cool guy, Sam Eaton took the stage and announced: “TONIGHT THERE WILL BE NO SECRETS!” I winced as I couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to tell the audience that I wasn’t toilet trained till first grade (he didn’t).

In truth I had no clear idea as to what a mentalist was or what they did and I was a little apprehensive. I needn’t have worried. Sam Eaton was more than a mentalist; this man was a master performer.

EVERY feat of mystery he performed he used a volunteer from the Petri dish that was the audience. The night I went the soup included: smarmy suburban 10-year-old boys, the Scottish, guys in ties, blue hairs and me!

And all of us fell in love with the man as over the course of 90 painfully short minutes he won our hearts. He commanded all of our attention, weaving a rich tapestry of bad jokes and mysterious feats of mental agility.

He had the kind of charisma that people said David Koresh or Hitler used to possess, only you know in a non-genocidal Christ complex having kind of way.

Now, I’m not saying I have a “mancrush” on the dude, but, well, my girlfriend said it best when she told me she found him, “kinda dreamy in a Gabe Kaplan/ Egon Spangler kind of way.”(I love my girlfriend.)

I won’t tell you exactly what his act consisted of, first off because it would rob you of the wonderment of the experience. But also because I don’t think I’m a good enough writer to capture the uniqueness of the evening.

I will however tell you that he completely blew my fragile lil’ mind by just knowing things that he couldn’t possibly know. In closing: this was one of the few experiences in my life that I was glad I was sober for. See it, trust me.

DIG IT!

• The Jewel Box Theater is on the 10th floor of a building whose ONLY elevator fits 7 people at a time: arrive early
• For future show times and general informational type shit click here!
• Sam produces a show called, “Paul Carpenter’s: The Psychic”
• Paul is a super cool guy who holds a world record for the fastest escape from a straight jacket

• The Jewel Box Theater is also the home of the Guilty Pleasures Burlesque and Vaudeville Show.