After mentally checking my outfit for red carpet worthiness (fail) I shrugged and headed to the Tribeca film fest to mingle with the stars and, as it turns out, cringe at everything but the sight of a very naked Lucy Liu for a couple hours.  Upon arriving to film fest central I was directed to the wrong theater.  Two cabs, 20 bucks, and a stick of bbq’d street meat later, I finally made it to the eerily remote Battery Park Regal Cinemas Theater.  A single cardboard sign directed me to the “festival.”  No red carpet, no stars, just a lot of dorky white dudes coming out to stare at (did I mention?) a very naked Lucy Liu.

 Check out the preview…it’ll save some time.

Anyways…  Wow.  So bad.  SO SO SO bad.  And did I mention that Lucy Liu, and at least half a dozen other really hot women are all sorts of naked?  And yet, still, bad.  To be fair, it was stylishly bad for the first hour or so, but for the entire last hour of the film you could actually see the actors reading their lines off the page. 

BISHOP:  No, stop.

SADIE: (Naked back flip, lots of odd camera angles, shoots vampire in throat) I’ll stop when I’m dead.

BISHOP:  Oh!  The irony!  A vampire!  Dead!  Oh man, the audience will NEVER pick up on that one!

Yeah.  Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t see it.  Just don’t pay any money to see it.  Marilyn Manson has a cameo as a bartender sans makeup, which is almost worth paying for, and the copious nudity is really pretty amazing.  The action is even pretty good.  It’s just the writing…whoa.  It’s that bad.