Archive for April 18th, 2007

Psssstttttt, hey there… yah, you… apparently there’s a secret universe unbeknownst to the rest of us – some sort of underground clown culture that is truly a world of its own.

I had the dorky pleasure of experiencing this at The New York Downtown Clown Revue on April 16th. I am NOT a clown, so I decided that the next best thing was to watch the show WITH a clown, so I spent the evening hanging with my clown friend Funny Honey and watching her reactions.

I was greeted at the door by a creepy, drooling zombie-like clown that started following me, and after a brief moment of almost frantically running for my life in the opposite direction, I decided that I must be in the right place.

Christopher Lueck, host and producer of the show, explained that this was a Clown Playground of sorts where the goal is to present the broadest range of clowning styles, sort of like a workshop where clowns can explore their craft. So, the revue is different every time with new performers. Amanda Pekoe, another producer watched the show with the audience. Most of the audience consisted of members of the clown community (and then there was me!).First up was DZIECI. Picture an entire chorus full of bucktoothed, burlap-swaddled odd- looking characters singing in 4 part harmony. WHAT REALITY DID I FALL INTO?? They were acting out an innocent sacrificial lamb sacrifice (puppet lamb of course). Funny Honey squeals, “Hahaha- I love puppets!” in her adorable sing-songy voice. I smile.

Suddenly the lamb talks them into an innocent HUMAN sacrifice instead, followed by the group chasing the poor biggest dumb guy through & on top of the audience (quite literally). The audience clowns were laughing and I was giggling in spite of myself.

I honestly felt quite guilty watching and laughing at them because they kinda seemed like a group of retarded children. A friendly clown audience member explained to me that that was indeed the point- this Grotowski inspired style of clowning intentionally breaks all the rules to take you to a deeper realm of gutteral, more primal performance, where uncomfortable reactions from the audience are a good thing. Apparently this form of performance is rare and seeing DZIECI perform was actually a unique privilege.

Brent McCoy was a more traditional type of clown in big pants and suspenders and it was fun to watch him juggle 3 orange traffic cones while balancing 2 on his head. Dottie Lux performed a hot little burlesque number in clown face- she can really work a crowd and a pair of fishnets and pasties.

Ariane Anthony (pictured above) gave a quirky-fun performance/lecture on the earth’s animals and environmental concerns while intentionally sharing the most unsexy cabaret number ever known in the history of cabaret numbers, complete with briefcase, librarian glasses and clown nose. (Go Ariane for bringing awareness to earth/animal issues in a creative way- as a tree/bunny hugger- I was quite impressed!)

My absolute favorite clown act of the evening was Mark Gindick. This extremely physical performance started with air guitar and transitioned into body guitar when dance partner Kathryn Fraggos joined him on stage. Soon they were awing us with lifts and twirls in true ice-skater fashion to a crazy version of “Roxanne”. Kudos to choreographer, Wendy Seyb.

Overall: A few of the performances went on a tad too long, but they were all pretty cool and creative. For clowns it’s clownarific! For general public its dorky fun. For boring, stupid or high-falutin’ people it would be something to avoid at all costs. So, if all the world’s a stage & everyone’s a clown, go dust off that silly old red clown nose & make somebody smile. The New York Downtown Clown Revue happens on the 3rd Monday of every month.

On April 7th the Lord smiled down upon the Earth for Ben & Jerry’s declared it Free Ice Cream Cone Day for all! I set out on a holy pilgrimage that day out of respect, religious fervor and a gluttony for sweets that stands unparalleled throughout the land. The following is a recap of that glorious ice creamtastic day.

Noon

3rd ave by 10th street

I head out to hit all the Ben & Jerry’s in Manhattan (Brooklyn scares me.) This first location has little to no line. I figure it’s because the pot smokin’ hippies of the east village don’t get their wake and bake munchies till later in the day.

I order a chocolate fudge brownie cone and donate $2 to the store’s pet charity: Breast Cancer Action Coalition. At long last I get to combine my twin loves of fudgy ice cream and boobies.

12:40pm

23rd street and 8th ave

After a ten minute wait I finally get my Half Baked cone. I don’t know what’s in it, but I love it. This store is collecting money for Break the Cycle: an aids awareness bike ride through NYC. I think it’s very cool that as the stores give out free cones they are also collecting for various local charities.

Next door to the shop is one of my favorite places on the planet. A bar called Trailer Park. I decide to stop in for some tater tots. Turns out this decision would almost be my undoing.

1:45pm

Macy’s Herald Square, 4th floor

Filled with tater tots, my stomach starts to churn as I head through the fourth floor of Macy’s to reach my next target. In order to get to the Ben & Jerry’s in Macy’s one has to walk through a football sized shoe department.

By the time I got to the counter all I could smell was old shoe, and my tounge was actually covered in a fine film that tasted of foot.

Fortunately, there was no line here and I dug into my Creme Brulee cone banishing the foot flavor from my tastebuds and replacing it with golden deliciousity.

2:15pm

Rockerfeller Center- underground

This was by far the longest wait of the day. I stood for 45 minutes with slack jawed cubicle zombies as they waited for a brief taste of happiness in their otherwise meaningless 9 to 5 lives.

I had the Cherry Garcia and felt altruistic as I donated to their pet charity: The St. Stanislaus Losta Church. It was also around this time I began to cramp up.

3:30pm

43rd street and 8th ave

I haven’t had a brain freeze all day, but I started getting milk blindness at about this point. My insides were soupy, my bowels were declaring a state of emergency and my arteries were begging me to quit. But dammit, my journalistic integrity wouldn’t allow it.

I brave a ten minute line and donate a few dollars to The Dwelling Place, a shelter for homeless women. Then another cone: Strawberry Cheese.

4:15pm

104th street and Broadway

The line here’s about twenty minutes, mostly because the local grade school just let out and the children are swarming. I yell at two little punks and a homeless man who all tried to cut in line ahead of me.

I get my last cone of the day: Sweet Cream and Cookies. This store isn’t collecting for charity, but they have a face painter. I ask her if she could make me look like Gene Simmons from Kiss. She gives me a dirty look. All in all a very successful day!

Plan For Next Year:

• Best Location: Macy’s- No line and they offer every flavor

• Worst Location: Roc Center- The line’s too long and the people are like depressed prisoners in a white collar hell

• Best Flavor: Creme Brulee (available exclusively at Macy’s)

• Worst Flavor: Foot (available exclusively at Macy’s)

All jokes aside, it’s a wonderful thing when companies use promotions like this to raise money and awareness for charities. It’s a lesson from which we can all learn.

A Letter of Appeal to Walt Stepp and Tom Herman (writer and director of The View Form K Street Steak, respectively):

Oh boy! Another scathing, satirical look at politics written and directed by ex- flower children who have become disenchanted with the results of their hippie revolution and now feel the need to spread the message that our government is fucked up beyond all belief.

Well thanks fellas, but let’s not forget it’s old acid freaks and coke heads like you, and good ol’ boy President Bush himself, that have made politics in this nation the horribly corrupt system that it is today.

Now, I appreciate a socio- political satire as much as the next guy. Hell, I love Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove and that movie is drier than the eczema in my Grandma’s ear.

But Gentlemen: political ideology, and comic taste aside you way over the hill potheads were so busy taking yourselves seriously that you forgot the Golden Rule of the entertainment industry: BE ENTERTAINING!

Granted, the concept is a sweet one: Revealing the seedy underside of the relationship between congress, the media and the stranglehold lobbyists have on both: nice! Sure, it’s been done before, most notably in the films Wag the Dog and Thank You for Smoking.

Yet, staging it all in the form of vignettes presented by a venrtiloquist and his dummy: very nice! Honestly, kudos on the concept gentlemen.

But then you had to go and ruin it all by trying to be so preachy and highbrow that you simply forgot the funny. Not a joke in the entire show garnered a laugh. Not even the one’s you boys cued with rim shots!

Okay, so I didn’t enjoy the show. Granted, it may be my fault: Afterall the promotional materials led me to believe it was a puppet show. (Yes, I am a moron… And a jackass.) Still, I know funny and this show weren’t it.

I wouldn’t be so bitter if it wasn’t for what I experienced during the intermission.

I stood in the lobby of the Altered Stages theater and drank my complimentary wine (thanks fellas) while Mr. Stepp hung out with a bunch of his geriatric cronies congratulating himself. His fellow retirees surrounded him and all confirmed what a genius he was.

He soaked up their syncophantic praise and reasserted to his nearly dead ex- Deadhead pals how funny he and his play are. He wallowed in their praise like a pig in shit.

They smiled and congratulated him, kissing his ass with their denture filled lips. But believe me kids, not one of these life hogs cracked so much as a smile during the performance.

In short, it was this little scene combined with the uninspired staging and script that now leave me in the unenvious position of declaring your show, the false idealism behind the script, the entire failed free love experiment of the 60’s and the absurd pomposity of your very existence: BULLSHIT!

Then again this is just one humble kid from New Jersey’s opinion.

Best of luck in the future,

Objectively yours,

-Venditto

for those of you out there who can’t wait to run out and catch this show before it closes, click here for more info.