The Forbes Museum is a wet dream for 8 year old boys and future billionaires with aspirations of world domination. It’s also a testament to the vanity and self- centeredness that lies at the disgusting rotted core of capitalism run amok.

TOY BOATS!

According to a sign all of the boats on display are toy boats, not models. The sign tells us models are, “precision made” duplicates while toys are actually working objects that are meant to be played with.

So what does Mr. Forbes do with these wonderful relics from the Golden Age of toy boats?

He locks them behind plexiglass where he can show them off to the public, far from where any child will ever get to lay their grubby little hands on them-Bastard!

One of the toy boats was the size of Gary Coleman and has a real working gasoline engine. I wonder if it has a soul.

MINIATURE ARMIES!

There are soldiers recreating Cortez crushing the Aztecs on a three foot high temple. There are lil’ Union soldiers slaughtering lil’ Confederate soldiers. There are itsy- bitsy Greeks destroying an itsy- bitsy Troy.

There are even miniature cowboys committing genocide on miniature Indians. It is an awe inspiring display of murderous war throughout history as recreated by children’s toys.

MONOPOLY!

A room dedicated to a game that in order to you win you must screw over every other player until you have destroyed them financially.

According to Mr. Forbes it helped him and his siblings, “whet their capitalist appetites.” I’m sure that for dessert they feasted on the hopes and dreams of the middle class.

WHAT THE FUCK?

This is a trophy room with a hysterical twist. They’re trophies NOT won by anyone in the Forbes family, but shit that they bought at yard sales. For example they have a piece of wreckage from the Hindenburg, and some dead dude’s swinning trophy.

I gotta be honest with you; I have no idea what the hell this room is all about.

Why the ENTIRE World HATES Us!

Finally there’s an exhibit called Silver of the Stars. This is a room of silver goblets, bowls, spoons and other gaudy displays of wealth owned by famous pompous jack offs.

One such object is a teapot owned by geriatric assbag and famed wife beater: Sir Sean Connery. I was less than impressed.

In Conclusion…

This is a museum filled with toys that will never be played with, and trophies displayed by a man who didn’t earn them, but could afford to buy them.

It’s a fantasyland where toy soldiers depict historic scenes of barbaric butchery, and filled with displays of such ostentatious gluttony that even Michael Jackson would blush, if he is still physically able to. But on the plus side: It’s free.

So if you can forget about the obvious horror inherent in this type of display I think you’ll have a good time- but you won’t be able to sleep at night.

Come See What’s Wrong With America:

60 Fifth Avenue
at 12th Street
New York, NY 10011
212-206-5548

Hours
Tues-Wed 10am-4pm
Fri-Sat 10am-4pm

There is no planned closing date for this museum. In fact it will probalby outlive us all!
p.s.: I swear I’m not a bitter person, I’m actually a republican, but this museum really pissed me off- also, I was sober.