Oh My God, Roxy Baby, What were you thinking? Rollerskating at NYC’s infamous club The Roxy is a brilliant idea, I must admit- but, man you better be absolutely desperate to lace up your roller skates and boogie out on the floor. I mean, Roxy, I know you’re about to close your doors forever and all and everyone wants to share a piece of your final historical last hoorah, but this was a bit much.

Waiting in line outside in the freezing temperatures, okay fine, it is NY afterall- then once finally inside another line awaits so you can buy tickets- okay this is all still understandable. But then- as I went to pick up my skates, the madhouse ensued. A mob of people were pushing and trying to figure out where to go. Roxy, you can do better- this was totally unorganized chaos. My frustrated fellow waiting mobsters and I had formed an ameoba-like blob where the most pushy, obnoxious people got their skates first.

Once I was finally birthed through the cervix of people to the front of the NON-line, the exhausted, overworked people behind the counter graced me with news that they didn’t have my Womens Size 7 skates available (nor one size smaller, nor two sizes larger). Eventually, I settled for a pair of Men’s Size 5’s, but was actually given a Size 4.

So, with toes painfully crammed into my skates (cause hell- I was not going to go back through that birth canal to try to get a less painful pair). I mean, come on… I had already been waiting for an hour! Once I finally made it to the skating rink (aka the dancefloor) it was really quite fun- the kind of fun complete with giant disco ball and enormous fluffy red hearts hanging from the celiing.

You do have to watch out for the handful of super-skate freaks that swerve wrecklessly in and out of the crowd at death-defying speeds (it’s pretty cool to watch them though, with all their fancy twirls and dance moves). Okay, so maybe I fell once- but, this nice stranger scooped me up and gently sent me rolling on my way again- narrowly avoiding a pile-up.

After skating around for awhile I had to rest my aching squenched toes- ouch.

Overall, it turned out to be fun, but Roxy, wish you woulda fixed the inexcusable mass free-for-all chaos in the rental skate/coat check dept, otherwise it’s not worth the trouble. Oh, and everybody- if you do go- this event is even more fun if you go with a boy/girl/other to skate with hand in hand, but also great with a group of friends. ‘The Last Spin’ is on Friday, 3/9 and will be featuring DJ Julio.