Boy, I gotta tell ya. It feels good to be the best dressed fella at a party.

Not so much when you’re in a 3-piece pin-stripe suit and everyone else was bedecked-out in bikinis and speedos. Sigh. I guess being the UNCOOLKID in any hip scene is my inescapable destiny. This past Wednesday was Valentine’s Day. The day in which we are to commemorate the Roman saint who married early Christians before being jailed and beheaded by Emperor Claudius II. He did, however get one last note out to a blind chick he had the hots for: The first ever Valentines card.

For those of us in relationships, it’s that merry time in which we are supposed to fret, and wonder and worry and SPEND in the hopes that we find the perfect blend of words and easily purchasable items that reflect the exact level of feelings we may or may not have for our special others. For those of us not currently betrothed, it’s a time to sit, sulk, dodge the inescapable the cupids and hearts and arrows and flowers and other that gives us all a case of the uncontrollable projectile vomits.

Or, we go out and try to get laid. And the girls at Gemini and Scorpio were at the East Village Russian Bath house on E.10th st to help us! (Not like THAT!)

Gemini and Scorpio was first a dating-guru website managed by “A sweet, bright, angelic creature (Gemini) and a dark, intense, moody siren (Scorpio); two artsy downtown gals who have a different approach to online dating that focuses on having fun as opposed to emailing your way into a wedding ring”
Through their website, a weekly events list and their own wild parties that boast attendance in the hundreds, Gemini and Scorpio have gathered a community - online and off- of artistic, intelligent, offbeat thinkers and generally fascinating people, most of which are trying to hook up in one way or another.

I spoke with Larisa Fuchs, aka Scorpio (the darker half of G&S) who was born in Ukraine and came to Long Island when in 1991, when she was 12. After coming of age outside of the city, so soon discovered the wonder that is The Subway, and started immersing herself in the no-longer-seedy downtown scene of art, music, theatre, puppets and parties. G&S initially started as a dating guide and the girls soon realized that the best means for marketing the guide was through a mailing list, and parties were best means of promoting and networking between other creatives in similar fields.

The Russian Baths, Scorpio (as she likes to be called when speaking of G&S events) told me were a pipe dream from the early days of G&S. it’s a favorite place for me and MIss G, often frequented on summer weekends, when we’d sun on the deck and day-dream about throwing a wild gathering at the place. Back then, we never considered it a real possibility. That was before we started our Valentine’s Day “Get Off….Line” Parties, one of which involved a fondue party for 100, a decadence bar featuring angel and devil near-naked servers hand-feeding guests delicacies) i just thought, “why not?”. What followed was an hour-long heated discussion in Russian with the surly owner, who assured Ms. S that this was not something he needed, wanted or would ever host in his bathhouse. She walked out with a signed contract and the party sold out in one week.

Quite impressive businesswomanship, I must say, especially considering that the Baths have been around since 1892, with clients like Mikhal Baryshnikov and the late JFK Jr. The Baths know their market, and were quite reluctant to mess with it!!

The party started around 8pm. The main area could only fit maybe 30-40 people most of whom kept going in and out of the baths in the back. When I got there, the first thing I did was head to the locker room to take off them long johns. WHEW! That’s better. Now, on to the free vodka.

The G&S gals clearly know how to keep their clients satisfied. And with $50 admission tickets, free Zyr Vodka helped sweeten the deal, as did the free olives stuffed with blue cheese and later in the evening, potato and cheddar pierogies!! (For those unaware, pierogies are Russian/Polish pasta dumplings, often filled with potatoes.)

The food was good, the vodka was better, and from what I could tell in all of my overdressed glory, the baths looked marvelous. I don’t know if it was a Gregorian calender marketing error, or it was intentional to have the holiday of looooove in the coldest time of the year, but all the party-bathers in skivvies seemed elated at the opportunity to be in swimwear in February.

The evening was culminated with a performance by The Luminescent Orchestri, one of New York’s best shoe-string Gypsy Klezmer bands, many of whom have become quite popular in the downtown art-party scene. A whole lotta strings, (violin, fiddle, standing bass, and possibly more. I was 6 vodkas deep by then) and a whole lotta toe-tapping is a good way to describe the sweaty, loud, high-energy experience that followed.

And if you were expecting me to end this review with a story of a sexy encounter with some scantily bikinied klezmer-fiend, you’re sadly mistaken. With slacks, vest, jacket and also stylishly over-dressed girlfriend in tow, I’m afraid it wasn’t in the cards. Either way, the G&S girls hailed their Valentine’s day Russian Baths adventure a huge success, and plan on doing it again sometime soon. (The folks at the Baths were thrilled at the idea of another G&S party at their establishment.)

Until then, be sure to sign up on their website, keep your eyes out, your ears perked, and your speedos close at hand!