UNCOOLKIDS normally only reports on events going on New York. But in light of yesterday’s events, I am outraged and scared and think everyone’s time would be best spent learning how to protect themselves from Big Brother.

Cryptography. The art of secret messages. Most of us have only ever encountered it when we were little and used secret decoder rings. But it’s something we should know how to do, even if we don’t think we have to. I’m gonna lay out a basic technique you can use in case of emergency (I’m preparing for the worst here).

There is ONE and only ONE way of encrypting data in a way that’s 100% secure. (Surprisingly it’s not the way anyone does it — encryption systems used today are theoretically breakable.)
It’s called the “One Time Use Pad”.
Let’s say that you want to send a message to Bob. The “One Time Use Pad” requires that you and Bob meet up in a secure location beforehand to decide on a code. And the code can only be used. . .one time. So, it’s not very convenient for people that are seperated and talking over a long period of time. But for our purposes, it’s enough. And it’s really simple to use.

Here’s what you do (best illustrated by example):

1) Meet with Bob to decide on a code. An easy choice is a book you both own. Let’s say you choose the first Harry Potter Book. Which starts like this:

“Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.”

2) Translate your text to numbers (A=1, B=2, etc. . . )
So the first sentence of Harry Potter becomes:
m 13
r 18
a 1
n 14
d 4
m 13
r 18
s 19
d 4
u 21
r 18
s 19
l 12
e 5
y 25

3) Get the text you want to send (Hi Bob) and translate it to numbers:
h 8
i 9
b 2
o 15
b 2

4) Add them together (you only have to add as many numbers from the book as are in your message, pay attention to where you stop)
m 13 + h 8 = 21
r 18 + i 9 = 27
a 1 + b 2 = 3
n 14 + 0 15 = 29
d 4 + b 2 = 6

5) Translate the numbers back into letters. Notice that some of the numbers are bigger than 26. What do you do with them? Just subtract 26.
21 = u
27 = 27-26 = 1 = a
3 = c
29 = 29-26 = 3 = c
6 = f

6) So send Bob the message uaccf (no spaces). It has been proven that unless someone knows what text you used, they will NEVER be able to break this message, (as long as you don’t use it again).

Now what does Bob do?

1) Gets the message, uaccf and translates it to numbers: 21 01 03 03 06

2) Subtracts the Harry Potter text:
u 21 - m 13 = 8
a 1 - r 18 = -17
c 3 - a 1 = 2
c 3 - n 14 = -11
f 6 - d 4 = 2

3) Translates the numbers into text. Some of the numbers are negative? Just add 26:
8 = h
-17 = -17 + 26 = 9 = i
2 = b
-11 = -11 + 26 = 15 = o
2 = b
hi bob!

4) Now if he wanted to respond he would just start where you left off (. . . mrs dursley of number four. . . ) That’s why it’s important that you keep track of where you start and stop in the book.

There you go. Granted, you probably don’t want to use it for daily communication, but it might not be a bad idea to pick some books now, so that over the next couple of years, when America turns into a dictatorship and all of our communication is monitored, we’ll be able to plan the revolution.

Here are some other sites you might want to check out:

Cryptography Tutorial, breaks down a lot of difficult concepts in a really easy to follow way.

Email Privacy

RSA is what everyone uses today for encryption. If you don’t have a mathematical background it’s not the easiest thing to understand, but this was the best breakdown I could find. Interestingly enough, it’s illegal to transmit an implementation of this across the border (so if you want to send it to someone in another country, this would be a good time to practice your one-time use pad). It also leads us to PGP. A Tutorial for Beginners to PGP (that’s Pretty Good Privacy.)

RSA and PGP are what almost everyone uses now. However, they are technically possible to break. The theory is that it would take a billion computers a billion years to do it. . . but who knows what sort of quantum super-computers the NSA’s got? So remember that it may not be completely secure.

Speak of the devil, you should probably check out the NSA website.

And have you ever heard of DARPA? No, well, it’s a government agency, part of the Department of Defense that does lots of research and development, including information technology. Might want to give them a look-see.

OK, enough of the longest post ever. I hope you never need to use what you’ve learned here. Unless you’re doing it as a fun trick at parties.