Archive for September, 2005

Many of you have probably walked by The Telephone Bar on 2nd Ave between 9th and 10th, but what you may not know is that they have a back room which features everything from free movies to poetry slams. On Thursday nights they host a night of stand-up called The $1 Room, conveniently named after the price of admission. First let me tell you about the cons: the service was sporadic, the waitress came to some people, but not to others, and the price of admission was so small that the door man didn’t have change for $10, so I had to go get some myself. Now for the pros: everything else. The space itself is charming, it’s beautifully decorated with mirrors all over the walls and a chandelier hanging above the performers heads. I had no problems finding a seat right away on a super comfy couch, that I wish I had in my apartment. The host for the evening, Peter Kassnove, was funny as hell. After asking the audience to keep an eye on his zipper, he explained that he was sad for summer to end because he had become attached to his ’summer sweat towel’. Roger Hailes came up next and told us how he’s his own boss, but he’s not very good at it because his policy on employee masturbation is too relaxed. Also performing were Pat O’Shea, Jay Bois and Issac Witty who had me in tears when he described his shitty handshaking technique. The evening ended with co-host Cassidy Hennehen, a native of New Orleans, who has taken his pain and turned it into a funny yet poignant piece about what it’s like to loose one’s home, or ’safety net’. He ends by saying that New Orleans is not great because of it’s location, but because of it’s people, and now they’re everywhere. Actually he may have ended by telling us that he named his dick after Ray Nagin, the mayor of New Orleans, and asking if anyone wanted a handshake with the mayor.
Thursday night at 9pm, The $1 Room, in the back of The Telephone Bar. Not enough people know about this night yet, so go check it out soon,and give these kids the audience they deserve.

First up tonight I was at Arlene Grocery for the One Little Indian showcase to catch local heroes LEVY. They’ve been making quite a name for themselves in the past couple of years, and tonight was a perfect example the kind of bittersweet and lush sound coming out of the L.E.S. that is often overlooked. Frontman James Levy wasn’t chatty, he just went straight to work delivering lines you wish you had on the tip of your tongue the last time you were falling in (or most likely out) of love. Not even the obnoxious afroed Brit to my right trying to get into an industry slave’s peasant skirt with his too-loud talk of “Right love… right, listen, it’s just the rock an’ roll yano. Jus’ basic and primal… know whu I mean?” could ruin the solid set.

I didn’t stick around long after as there was other business to attend to. That business being the Barsuk Records showcase at the Mercury Lounge. I arrived in time to catch the beginning of Viva Voce’s set. A friend passed their The Heat Can Melt Your Brain LP on to me, but sadly I haven’t given it a shot. Save for a single here and there on KEXP (the greatest radio station on Earth, by the way), I wasn’t that familiar with their catalog. A two piece from Portland, OR, they blew me away from note one. Seriously. Drummer Kevin Robinson and guitarist/vocalist/(wife?) Anita Robinson brought some of the thickest and most dynamic rock sounds I’ve heard in awhile. Sampled strings and synths were triggered by Kevin all throughout, and Anita’s delicate, almost waifish voice was in stark contrast to the insane solo work she coaxed from her guitar. At times they had a Page/Bonham sound between them that somehow worked perfectly with the rest of their varied influences. A new fan has been made in me, without question.

Viva Voce:

Next up was Aqueduct, a Seattle duo (in this incarnation) of drums, keys, and a bit of guitar. Lead David Kelly came on stage and told us how after flying all day on Delta, everything he checked (luggage and some instruments) had not made it to NYC. I guess when you fly an airline on the day it files for bankruptcy, they get a lil’ surly. He said he needed to play the one song that would “make him feel better”, and started the set with a fantastically executed cover of The Geto Boys’ “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta”. Aqueduct brings super fun pop on the weird side of nostalgia that fits in quite well with their miniature Flaming Lips type sound. Lots of sing along material here, and the song “Growing Up With G’N'R” brought back the kind of memories you simultaneously might want to forget, but can’t help but love. They ended with another cover; Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin”. Air guitar and fists pumping in unison as far as the eye could see.

Aqueduct:

Closing the night with a 1am start time was my main reason for attending: John Vanderslice. A renowned producer who recently recorded such acts as Mountain Goats, it seems Vanderslice saves his best work for his own solo releases. This guy is a genius in the studio, using every track, instrument, and noisemaking gadget available to him to create LPs that are required headphone meditation. With all of that in mind, I didn’t know what to expect live. He took to the stage with only an acoustic guitar and (surprisingly enough) eclectic “jazz” cellist Eric Friedlander joining him. Even with his songs stripped down to their barest essence, I was still completely floored. A hushed capacity crowd hung on to every brilliant line of songs mostly pulled from his latest (and best in my opinion) LP, Pixel Revolt. A few tracks were about 9/11 and the military action afterwards, and even with a crowd that looked to be at best 5% New Yorkers, still nothing was lost on them. No joke, people: you must check this guy out. I stood with eyes closed on the tips of my toes in pure joy for the entire set. Viva Voce even joined them for the latest single “Exodus Damage”. Such a rare treat.

John Vanderslice:

Here are a few mp3s for you to kick out your own jams, mofos:
LEVY - On The Dance Floor
LEVY - Rotten Love
Viva Voce - Alive With Pleasure
Aqueduct - Hardcore Days Softcore Nights
Aqueduct - Growing Up With G’N'R
John Vanderslice - Exodus Damage

Thursday Night:
Cloud Cult, William Elliott Whitmore, and others at 169 Bar (if I can get in). Insound afterparty at Scenic (they better friggin’ let me in). Stay tuned!

As you walk into The Circle in the Square Theatre you can’t help but notice the pep squad posters and student council banners. You realize that you’re not going to see a play about the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, you are going to the actual spelling bee itself. It starts when you walk into the gym and the head judge introduces the contestants, and ends when the trophy is awarded. For an hour and forty-five minutes you watch 6 actors and 4 audience members, well . . spell. This doesn’t sound like fun, but I have to tell you I spent the entire time laughing my ass off. And yes, I did say 4 audience members, if you get there early enough, you can sign up to be in ‘the bee’. You’ll probably get easy words like Mexicans and cow (”can I hear it used in a sentence? yes, your sentence is: just spell cow”) until they’re ready to be done with you, then they’ll hit you with the impossible to spell embarrassing word, but it’s still a chance to say you were on Broadway.

The six actors all represent different types of smart nerdy kids, and it’s hard to watch them and not compare them to people you know. There’s the homeschool boy who shows up in a cape, the Asian brainiac girl who speaks six languages, the politically-savy daughter of two gay men, the shy, quiet girl whose parents don’t show up, the boy-scout who gets easily distracted by a cute girl in the front row and has to pull his number down to hide his ‘excitement’ and the elementary school version of comic book store guy (from The Simpsons). Now be forewarned, this is a musical, and I’m not sure why, cause the musical numbers kill the timing. But overall it’s one of the funnest and funniest nights you can have at the theatre. Regular tickets are pricey at $95 bucks, but you can check for discounts here (if any are available), or stop by the box office and put your name in a $25 lottery (they take names 2 hours before showtime and pick names 90 minutes before, 2 per person).

At 55 Wall Street today was the Yohji Yamamoto and Adidas Y-3 fashion show. Starting at 10pm, as the lights went down, classical music swelled and the huge bank vault, which was at the end of the main runway, started spinning. There was smoke and flashing lights. The classical music faded into techno and the bank vault moved to one side, revealing a sparkly cave and models started coming out of a diamond vault. They went down the three runways for fifteen minutes showing off the new line, which represents fashion and sport. There were rumors that Paris Hilton and P. Diddy were in attendance. The crowd was beautiful, and it was one of the biggest fashion rigs in the city. The show felt like a celebration, and the crowd seemed really happy to be there.

By Guest Reviewer: Peter Parker

I don’t know about you guys, but I am really excited about the season premiere of Gilmore Girls tonight. For those of you who have never seen it before, but are ready to catch up, here’s a recap of what you need to know:

Lorelai and Rory Gilmore are mother and daughter. Lorelai had Rory when she was sixteen and ran away from her super rich lifestyle to make it on her own. She moved to quirky town called Stars Hollow and started working as a maid for an inn, worked her way up to manager and eventually ended up opening her own inn, The Dragonfly. When Rory was 15 she got into a ritzy private school and Lorelai was forced to borrow money from her estranged parents to pay for the education, under the condition that the girls both come to dinner on Friday nights for the rest of their lives. Rory dated a local named Dean, who was Mr. Sweet All-American boy, but they broke up when Rory met Jess, the typical bad boy. Meanwhile Lorelai went through her fair share of suitors but always had a flirtation with Luke the owner of the local diner (and Jess’ uncle). Jess skipped town one day without saying goodbye and Rory was heartbroken. Rory went to Yale, where she roomed with her high school rival, Paris, and worked for the school paper but was very lonely. She got back together with Dean, who was married, and caused him and his wife to get a divorce. Lorelai started to date Luke (the diner owner), despite the objections of her (super rich) parents, who kept trying to break them up. Rory decided that Dean was boring when she met (super rich) Logan, who was the perfect combination of Mr. All-American and bad boy. Logan’s dad gave Rory and internship at his newspaper and then told her that she sucked, so she got upset and convinced Logan to steal a yacht. They got arrested and Lorelai had to bail them out of jail. Rory told Lorelai she didn’t want to go back to college and Lorelai told her she had to, and asked the (super rich) grandparents to back her up. They stabbed Lorelai in the back and told Rory she could move in with them while she took some time off school. A frustrated Lorelai went to her boyfriend Luke to complain, and he went off on a tirade about getting the original good-girl Rory back and away from all these bad influences, which caused Lorelai to propose to him.

There you have it, 5 years of Gilmore Girls in a nutshell. You’re all ready for tonight. Enjoy!

The US Open can bite me.

I went yesterday afternoon, hoping to enjoy a pleasant day in the sun, watching a little yellow ball go back and forth in a hypnotizing and peaceful way. Instead I spend the afternoon completely frustrated by some of the stupidest rules on the planet.
For example ‘No Backpacks’ are allowed inside the grounds. That’s right, no backpacks - go back up the hill and check it.There are women carrying in purses the size of a small child, eliminating a ’size’ argument and they rummage through your bag, thus eliminating any sort of ’safety’ argument, so what’s the reasoning behind it? Did they just randomly decide to discriminate against those who carry their things around on both shoulders? But, once you check it, they do give you a tiny clear plastic bag to carry all your stuff around in, and you can have as many of those as you want. So, after you’ve been switched from having all your stuff on two shoulders to pretty much having to hold it all in your hands, maybe you’re a little stressed. Maybe you want a cigarette. Well, I’m sorry because there is ‘No Smoking’ on the grounds. Fine, that’s not unheard of in NYC. Let’s just get to our seats. You go up the escalator and wow! What a beautiful view! You can see the Unisphere and those spaceship-y things from Men in Black, and you go to take a picture, but, uh oh, ‘No Pictures’.
I will admit, once I got to my seat, it was very nice. I got to see Agassi and Ginepri battle for every single point. I saw some cool skywriting, and got some sun. I cheered for whoever needed cheering for and stayed quiet when everyone else did. So overall, I guess I’m glad I went, but I’m never going again.
And I’m not completely stupid. I know that the picture rule is because they had a professional photographer taking people’s picture with the Unisphere in the background for $5. And I know one of the reasons they don’t let you smoke is so you’ll buy more $7 fries and $8Heineken. And they make you check your backpack because the bag check cost $3. The Open does everything it can to separate you from your money. In fact, if you feel stupid carrying your tiny plastic bag around, you can buy a $47 backpack at one of the souvenir booths once you’re inside.
Well played, US Open. Well played.

By Guest Reviewer: Jay

This past Friday I finally got to see DJ Z-Trip live at Irving Plaza and I have to say it was one of the best shows I have seen this year. I have been a fan since Uneasy Listening, two years ago. The tour was in support of his newest release (which also happens to be his major label debut) Shifting Gears. It was nice to see that many of the vocalists on the album were accompanying Z-Trip on this tour. Specifically Prince Whippier Whip and Bus Driver who performed the tracks ‘All About The Music’ and ‘Take Two Copies’ respectively. One thing I really enjoyed was how great Z-Trip worked the crowd. His only goal was to make sure everyone had a good time, and he succeeded ten fold. He even included audience participation, a guy got to go up on stage and play Pac Man on a huge movie screen, while Z-trip played drums and DJ Goldenchild (who assisted during much of the show, as well as being the opening act) scratched and mixed the Pac Man music. I found it exciting because a lot of the songs he performed weren’t from his albums and the ones that were had been changed and re-structured so they sounded new. All in all it was really fun time. If you get the chance, even if you don’t know his music, go see this super talented DJ.

I had always heard that Crash Mansion was the lamest place ever, so I was apprehensive about going to JellyNYC, in the basement of Crash Mansion, on Friday night. It’s billed as a late night rock party with free Jello shots on the hour and DJ’s spinning “kick ass rock n’ roll”. The club is divided into two parts, and for JellyNYC there was practically no line. The space was huge, with a bar area containing pinball machines stools and then a bigger dance/floor stage area with booths. I had no trouble at all finding a table near the stage, one of largest I’ve seen in a NY club in awhile. They were out of the $3 PBRs they had advertised, but their other drink prices were pretty reasonable, in the $5-10 dollar range. As promised, at 1am a round of jello-shots started circulating which were tasty, and actually pretty potent.
I went specifically to see Heather, one of last remaining badass rock bands. Within seconds of taking the stage they had groupies headbanging in the front row, and at 2am, when the jello shots came around again the lead singer got all the girls up on stage to dance.This is one of the few bands that can pull off stunts like these, or songs like “Girl, Sister, Woman” with lyrics: “Girl you’re my sister, but you’ll always be a woman when we’re makin love.” Brilliant. Heather will be playing at Arlene’s Grocery every Saturday night in October at 11pm, and if you wanna rock, you will be there.
As for Crash Mansion, JellyNYC is not a bad rock night. The DJ was good, the crowd was fun and I heard that later in the evening JellyNYC merged with the hip-hop party happening upstairs and at one point Lil Jon wandered down to say hello. Not too bad for $7.

Midnight Kalan is described on the website as a faux talk-show where anything can happen, including ninja attacks. This week the guest was Stephen Colbert of The Daily Show, so I was excited for some crazy antics. The show opened with the theme song of “Quantum Leap” then Elliot Kalan (the host) came out to do a pre-talk show monolog which mostly consisted on how excited he was about his new shirt. Kalan is an obviously very bright, associate segment producer for The Daily Show (hence the guest appearance by Colbert) who needs a couple of more years of practice to get into his groove. He had some moments of brilliance, but between them are many awkward silences. He converses with his R2D2 sidekick way past the point of amusement, goes into a strange Rambo tirade and regularly has to take direction from technical director Joe Guercio. On the other hand his interview with Colbert was very comfortable and friendly, like watching two friends chat across a dinner table. He also brought on a “sexpert” to teach us about butt plugs and handed out free pizza at intermission, so it wasn’t all bad. I hope Kalan sticks it out. I won’t be back to see him anytime soon, but I’m sure after a couple more years of practice he’s gonna be brilliant.
Midnight Kalan is every other Friday at Juvie Hall on Bond St. between 3rd Ave and Lafayette. The next show will be a special Saturday edition on Sept 24th at 8pm and the guests will be Ed Helms and Will Hines.

Can’t make it to the US Open this year? No problem. Just head over to Madison Square Park at 23rd and Broadway and get the full experience. At one end of the park lies a Jumbotron playing the matches, complete with stadiun seating. And since this event is sponsered by American Express there is special reserved section for cardmembers with comfortable blue lawnchairs.

Lining the path to the other end of the park are concession stands set up by Blue Smoke and Tabla, which smell delicious and, just like at the Open, are way too expensive. Employees of American Express sit in high judges chairs all over the park in pale green polo shirts, and the sound system from the jumbotron reaches the lawn, so you can actually lay out and watch. You actual feel like you are at an event, and not just a corporate sponsored simulation of one.
At the other end of the park, you can put yourself in the action and climb into either the “Sportwall Challenge”, where aim is tested, or the appropriately titled “Speed Serve Alley”. When I was there everyone was having a turn from dressed up women in skirts coming from work to 5-year old kids that could barely hold the racket.

I’m not a huge tennis fan myself, but hanging out in the park with the backdrop of the US Open was very peaceful and relaxing. The event is going on until Sunday and the broadcast lasts from 11am-11pm. If you’re not going to the real thing and want to spend an afternoon in the sun this weekend, this should be your destination.